I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
