a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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