You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
