well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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