that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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