I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize