i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
