Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
