Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
