He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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