Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
