I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
