And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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