I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
