Christians are straight up FREAKS
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
