I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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