There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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