the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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