R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
