I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
