It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
