I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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