he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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