bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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