My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
