There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
