So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
