In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
