You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
