Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
