I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I touched a dick in church today
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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