Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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