It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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