I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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