you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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