my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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