I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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