I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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