Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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