so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
