who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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