Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do vagina's smell?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
