I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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