these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
