it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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