I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
