All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
