it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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