Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
