I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"