mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.