your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?