I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
