speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
