Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet

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  (248) I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet http://tfl.nu/r3zv
  Replies (4) Good night (1268) Bad night (777)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes

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  (931): I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes http://tfl.nu/c6hz
  Replies (17) Good night (946) Bad night (1978)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.

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  (765): yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker. (1-765): yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married. http://tfl.nu/4wae
  Replies (21) Good night (725) Bad night (2546)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...

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  (302): and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare... http://tfl.nu/t5mw
  Replies (21) Good night (514) Bad night (3675)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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  (240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu
  Replies (22) Good night (5823) Bad night (1014)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.

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  (502): he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel. http://tfl.nu/c4zc
  Replies (42) Good night (1526) Bad night (4858)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

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  (214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4
  Replies (23) Good night (1400) Bad night (4256)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.

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  (815): i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head. http://tfl.nu/g1i4
  Replies (5) Good night (1957) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.

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  (936): Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/amif
  Replies (15) Good night (7404) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...

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  (312): She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it... http://tfl.nu/f47h
  Replies (8) Good night (900) Bad night (2024)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  ...oh my god that's like anal suicide

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.

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  (260): ...oh my god that's like anal suicide (1-260): I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak. http://tfl.nu/xgzk
  Replies (9) Good night (650) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"

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  (703): Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up" http://tfl.nu/thd5
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.

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  (678): I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost. http://tfl.nu/2pxc
  Replies (9) Good night (594) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.

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  (386): I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/2e4j
  Replies (8) Good night (955) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show

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  (404): Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show http://tfl.nu/4xxy
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (211)

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