I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.