We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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