You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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