So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
