Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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