If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
