You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still have a little drunk in my system
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize