it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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