so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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