Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
