I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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