He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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