You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
