does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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