Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
