when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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