shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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