dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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