they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
