I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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